Well, instead of working on my essay that's due in on Wednesday, I'll give you an update of my miserable existence. Things aren't going all that well with me emotionally so I think I'll be back off to the doctors to try something different other than the beta blockers. I don't feel they've done a lot as I don't feel I get a lot of the physical symptoms of anxiety and I'm sure some of the only reasons I've been a bit better the last few weeks is because I didn't have to go and teach. I've still had a lot of problems, including a horrible mix of both having no wish to be in this flat coupled with the horrible desire to never leave the house again. I've been sleeping too much as well and have found it very hard to do anything. I have got some things done though, like taking a huge pile of post to the post office and I went to Margate on Wednesday to shoot with my friend Peter. It was really nice to get away from London and spend some time remembering that humanity isn't all crap and that there's a world not filled with millions of people who only have one reason to live. But the little things have been hard. The house is a mess, I've done no washing, I've not baked when I said I wanted to and generally barely even knitted. It's a funny thing, not being able to do the things you think you really want to.
I did eventually get my yarn re-skeined. It's really grown on me and with some help with people from Ravelry, it has been christened Cherry Vanilla.
I also managed to get my section of the SG SnB Free Form done. Having last year's piece sat next to me was an inspiration and I just hope that this one turns out half as interesting. I was so lucky to have won that piece. I really do still need to get round to taking some photos with it though!
I have started work on my essay, being forced (thankfully) to come with Andy to the recording studio yesterday. It actually did me a lot of good and I got a reasonable amount of work done considering, and possibly made sure the rest of the band realise that I can be around and not get in the way. I'm not sure why I need this acceptance but I can be funny like that. I say I got work done but only until about 2.45pm when I started Hat Attack! The pattern was released a reasonable amount of time before I got started but I did want to try and get some of this dreaded essay done before I succumbed to the knit! It's a really nice hat and I'm actually going to be sad to part with it tomorrow morning when I take it to the post. I was going to print the postage out and shove it in the box but then remembered that there's no collection on a Sunday anymore so there's no point. I know I'm dead soon too as I've seen photographic evidence of my death hat but it looks pretty so I will wear it with pride. I plan on making another cabled hat using the left over yarn from mine too so I'll be happier when I get round to that. I've got quite a bit planned right now, including wanting arm warmers and to think about knitting presents for Christmas (yes, I know it's only February but I have a lot to plan). And I really need to get the garter knitted for Louise's wedding sometime soon enough so if it goes wrong, I'll have long enough to fix it!
The hat was finished this morning, although I had planned on finishing it last night but I decided sleep was a better idea. Once finished, I was planning on working on this essay but that plan went out the window when I fell into one of my moods. I've just been so blah all day. And I've been questioning the teaching thing again. I just don't know what I want to do with my life. Do I want a career in teaching? Now? Ever? How long can I avoid doing my induction year if I do complete my PGCE? What will I want to do if Pythia get really big? Maybe I could get involved in merch and extend that to other bands and make a job of it for a few years. But can we afford that? What will it do for my career? Do people look down on others with huge gaps between training and inductions? Who knows? Maybe I'll see how it's going in a few weeks and talk to my tutor at uni about it. I'm sure there must be part time jobs and ways around this all.
And there's another teacher related thing I'm wondering about. Tattoos. I have plans for 3 at the moment so as well as looking for artists for script work, cute knitting and yarn related writing and cute conical flasks, I need to think carefully about positioning for visibility and how this will impact my career. Ok, so at least I'm still acknowledging the possibility but I also want these tattoos. And I really have to think about it carefully as I don't want to be the teacher who gets looked down or has no job because of "mistakes" I've made when I was younger. I know it shouldn't be a problem but people are crap and make things an issue even if they shouldn't be. I know it won't affect my ability to teach but will it influence a headteacher and panel of interviewers on whether to employ me?
Anyway....there is sleep to be had so that I might be able to get on with this essay. It's only 8000 words due in at 4pm on Wednesday!
Oh, I forgot to say that I do have one thing to look forward to; a SnB less than 5mins away! Some people on Ravelry have decided to meet up on Monday knits to have a knit and natter. I'm definitely looking forward to that. Oh, and one of the dreaded grey socks is finished. And it fits! Thank god for the internet and finding out how to have very stretching cast offs.